Blessed among Women

The Bible raises a few women to look upon as an example of 'Highly Favoured', 'Richly Blessed', 'Woman of Faith' and I find myself a bit skeptical. They had hard lives, all of them. 

In ancient Israel, women and children were relegated to the fringes of Jewish society. If that wasn't bad enough, being out of sync with the norms i.e. unmarried, widowed, childless were considered curse or punishment by God. 

It was a hard life for a woman...much less one who was considered despised and abandoned by God.

Sarah was seven times widowed when we first meet her in the Book of Tobit. Seven in Jewish lore is considered a full, complete number. Sarah had drunk deep of her cup of sorrow so much so that it came to be even her servant-girl did not scruple to abuse her. The ancient community would have have denounced her worse. She was ready to take her life when she remembered her beloved father, and then turned to God.

"Lord, I look to you for help."

                                           

                                             -Tobit 3:11-12

Beyond coincidence and chance, came Tobit and the sorrows of two families came to an end. 

Then there was Rachel, Sarah, Abraham's wife and Elizabeth, Mary's cousin. Bereaved in their childlessness; yet hoping when all cause for hope was over.

Judith the young widow faced with a despondent nation and Ruth, the foreigner who chose love and loyalty over home.

"Then God remembered..."

                                - Gen 30:22

But where there is Christ, there is always Hope and (this) Hope does not disappoint. 

God will fulfill the desires of your heart, because he himself put it there. He is glorified in your joy as he glorified in your patient obedience.

When all seems bleak and the promises seem late in flowering; remember...

"For nothing is impossible for God"

                                - Luke 1: 37 

She believed...

May is nearly here- the Month of Mary.

Mary was a natural contemplation mystic. Contemplation being a form of prayer where a person turn things over, not in his or her mind but in her heart. Heart being the seat where one finds God, not quite the fluffy, pansy, emotional-driven core but a place of truth and trust. Feelings do have a play but more than that it's a place of surrender and abandonment to God.

'Do unto me as thou hast said'

Those are not easy words if one truly understood the full implication of saying them. Mary weighed the words in her heart and spoke- Fiat. A complete consummation of consent. And the history of mankind changed forever.

This May, I thought of doing Mary's Way. To contemplate and to sit abide in God. The fruit of contemplation, is surrender. But before that happens, there is something else... belief. 

I often wondered what the difference was between faith and trust and belief. This is what I understood- 

Faith is a gift. To become aware of God and trust in who he is.
Trust is confidence in the credibility of God.
Belief. I think Belief becomes more personal and intimate. Belief is a 'knowing'. It is faith in action.

Paul received the gift of Faith at Damascus. Mary (the sister of Martha) trusted Jesus to have done something to save Lazarus.

But Mary believed... she knew. Old Simeon knew he held the Messiah in his arms. He didn't need a white dove hovering over. Abraham believed God. To believe is to translate faith into action.

One of the most beautiful proofs I have read on belief is from 'The Children of Hurin' by J.R.R.Tolkien. The story is one of tragedy surrounding the family of Hurin who challenged the might of Melkor. Melkor was a fallen Elect, an immortal. Not of flesh and blood but of pure spirit. He seek to subdue all the earth and creation but the elves and men of Middle-Earth challenged him. They failed and Hurin, the leader of men was captured.

Thus begins a dissertation between Melkor the immortal and Hurin the man. Melkor tries to destroy every belief that Hurin has held sacred since his youth. 

To break a man's beliefs is to subjugate him completely. 

Man needs to believe, in order to live. 

But in the end, Hurin pronounces his one true creed- I know this and I know it with all my heart, that you are not the Lord of men and you shall never be its master.

Mary believed...

God is Just. 
God is True. 
God is Love.
God is Good.

And the scripture resounds- 'Blessed is she who believed...' 

A Prayer for Everyday

A SHORT WISH, DEAREST JESUS

Servant of God Frank Duff

Oh, my God, I do not ask for the big things - the life of the missionary or the monk, or those others I see around me so full of accomplishment, I do not ask for any of these; but simply set my face to follow out unswervingly, untiringly, the common life which day to day stretches out before me, satisfied if in it I love You, and try to make you loved. Nature rebels against this life with its never-ending round of trivial tasks and full of the temptation to take relief in amusement or change. It seems so hard to be great in small things, to be heroic in the doing of the commonplace; but still this life is Your will for me. There must be a great destiny in it. And so, I am content. And then to crown the rest, dear Jesus, I beg you to give me this, fidelity to the end, to be at my post when the final call comes, and to take my last, weary breath in Your embrace. A valiant life and faithful to the end. A short wish, dearest Jesus, but it covers all.

- Servant of God Frank Duff, Can We Be Saints ?

Amen

It is a hard prayer for those of us who find ourselves vaguely trapezing through life. But it is a good prayer and much needed one. In world where one's self-worth is measured by achievements and lauds. It hurts to take the common path. It's deeply humbling and almost embarrassing to say- I am waiting on the Lord to open new paths and doors. 

'What! You don't have a PLAN?'


Nope. I only hope to be obedient through where the Holy Spirit gently prods me go. Even when I fail to hear his voice, I trust the Holy Spirit know his way through the wilderness of my thoughts and the labyrinth of my heart. He will find me, the foolish lost sheep, the meandering coin. 

He will make this commonplace life of mine yield a song for my King. 

I do not ask to see, the distant scene

One small step enough for me

-Cardinal Newman

A Man for All Seasons

I know I haven't written anything on this blog about our new Pontiff- Pope Francis but that's just because I have been too busy celebrating and rejoicing over his election. 

But now, something has come up which has made me want to post about him. It is about that news flash where His Holiness descended from the Popemobile to greet a disabled man in the papal audience. I had seen the picture of this but the video really moved my heart. Truly, this man is chosen by God...

An Unrelenting God

There is this lovely skit by the Skit Guys called God's Chisel. It is a beautiful analogy of how we respond to God's pruning and most of the time not very well. 

The part I like is where the main protagonist begs God to leave it off him for a while, take a break, come back later, resume the work, whenever that may be. 

God sighs...

That's a problem with me. As much as I love the Lord and truly desire his will in my life, it is hard to toe the line when the going gets tough. Like the time he asked me to  forgive this really nasty person at the workplace or graciously accept a time of desolation to thaw my frozen heart. I find myself so broken that I wish (and pray) that God gives me a break. And hopefully a long break, at that. 

But this is what I have understood about the Lord. One he puts his hands to the anvil, he doesn't let go till he has fulfilled his purpose. 

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; thy steadfast love, O LORD, endures for ever.

- Psalm 138:8

An Unrelenting God. A Stubborn Saviour. Where would we be without him? Undone, half-done, without... 

I don't trust myself to hold on to Christ. But this I know. I can trust Christ to hold on to me, no mater what. No matter how many times I tell him to leave me alone. He won't give up on me.

Maybe it's a litany to the One I love.

No matter how many times I tell him to leave me be.
Christ won't give up on me

No matter how many times I tell him I am tired of his hand
Christ won't give up on me

No matter how many times I have given up on myself
Christ won't give up on me

For the times I have cheated, bribed, counselled and coerced Him to do my will as His
Christ won't give up on me

For the times I have fallen and couldn't forgive myself
Christ won't give up on me

For the times I have wounded his Sacred Heart 
Christ won't give up on me

For the times I have wounded and maligned his people
Christ won't give up on me

For the times I had an opportunity to proclaim his name, speak of his goodness and spread his love; and did not
Christ won't give up on me

When I gave away my time in far cheaper pursuits than knowing his command and heeding his call
Christ won't give up on me

When I am in sin and my pride prevents me from hearing the Master's call
Christ won't give up on me

To the Lord who took on torn humanity to save me
Christ won't give up on me

To the Lord who humble himself to the pits of death and hell, that I may not suffer either
Christ won't give up on me

To the unquenchable fire of his love waiting to renew me
Christ won't give up on me

Christ won't give up on me. Christ won't give up on me. Not just yet. Not ever. 

Sacred Heart of Jesus, pierced with a lance. Have mercy on us.

Autumn and Lent

I like a bird's eye view... I like to see the whole picture. The distant past and a cloudy glimpse of the future with Today and Now, in retrospect.

It gives me comfort. To understand how the world comes to be and how it finally knits itself together. Like a puzzle. All is awry till the final piece falls in. I think that is why God instituted the Second Coming, when all things are unveiled as they truly are. I look forward to it...

But that is not what this post is about. This is post is about recognizing the seasons in your journey with Jesus. Reading signs from your life, your circle of friends and the Church.

For me, it seems like it is autumn again. When the old gives way to the new. I been through it once before, so I recognize it again. This time, it started with a death. My grandmother who suffered many years with Demensia, passed away in her sleep. She had become a child towards the end but the Good Lord remembered her faithfulness and took her home gently and kindly. It was a peaceful, good death. It was followed by another death. Sudden and unexpected of a missionary's father. In midst of it came Pope Benedict's announcement to step down (I grieved that it had to be). Then, there was also a sudden resignation by the head of my department. 

It feels like autumn again...Change is in the air. Spring is coming, it surely will not delay.

And to welcome Spring, is the time of Lent for preparation. This time, I thought of forgoing my favourite soap but I got smarter... no more my plans for Lent. I asked Jesus what were his plans for me. Jesus said, 'Humility.' 

I cringed... a little. 

Accepting suffering has always been hard for me and humility comes by the way of brokenness. But Lent is also that time when we rest from our crosses and look up to Jesus and ask him for our restoration. That's the whole point- 'Come away with me to a lonely place and rest awhile' (Mar 6:31). When we seek Jesus, we are in it for the long haul. Even those of us who are weighed down by daily worries of the world, this is a time of rest. A time to put down our burdens and anxieties, hopes and fear and spend time with Jesus. This is the Jesus who prepares you for the good fight. Reminds you of your Baptismal Promises. Fills you with his Love. And strengthens you for the everyday, ordinary life's Way of the Cross.

We need that rest. Autumn is the time of letting go and letting God. Then, Spring arrives. With it come joy, hope and solace.

I have been there before and I know the time is nearly here.

That is why I like the Bird's eye view. I start to have expectant faith. I know Spring is coming... 

A Time for Consolation

St.Ignatius wrote at length about spiritual consolation and desolation.

While, consolation is the easy part. It's the season where the soul is enveloped in peace, a sure sense of God's presence, great interior joy and hopefulness. It is manifested as one's personal prayer life becomes deeply satisfying, scripture reading becomes more meaningful and one's vocation, blossoms.

Desolation, is just the opposite and also afforded by God. St. Ignatius described it,'I call desolation what is entirely the opposite of (consolation), as darkness of soul, torment of spirit, inclination to what is low and earthly, restlessness rising from many disturbances and temptations which lead to want of faith, want of hope, want of love. The soul is wholly slothful, tepid, sad, and separated, as it were, from its Creator and Lord.'

Unspeakable sadness...

The last 6 months have been a trying time for me at every level. Reading some of my earlier posts, I realise now that I was slowly entering a dark hole, from whence the light slowly dimmed and finally went out.  

My work related stress kept building up till it got really bad in December and I mean...Bad. So much so, I think my low BP and the general lethargy and sickness came as an off-shoot of all that. To say that I was broken within would be an understatement. During that time, I even began to doubt God's love and lost hope that he would intervene for me. A lot of what I was going through was not just because of the work. It was crazy, but what made things worse was that for the longest time my personal prayer life was dry, the Bible was no longer speaking to me, sharing with my spiritual elder made no difference and nothing seemed to be breaking through. 

At least earlier on, I had the 'lights' of God's presence. Even when I couldn't sense his presence, I knew he was near when suddenly things miraculously fell into place, difficult situations suddenly became simpler, people relented or at least I had confidence in God's word when things looked hopeless but here there was no comfort, no solace and no sense of God's presence and then, the stress. Many people came and told me that God wanted them to affirm me - 'God loves you' but those words, which earlier used to thrill my heart seemed empty and dead.

There was no hope and none seemed to be coming. Last year, Christmas was not really a feast of old and New Years was just plain depressing! That was the lowest point. I just broke down during mass in Church and even then, there came no help from above.

There was one discipline I following during this time- I spent a lot of time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Hours together, just sitting there. I did not try to force myself to pray or try to discern anything. I guess, by that time, I was fed-up and tired. If God wanted to reach me, then he had to come. 

It was during this time, I came across this thin book called 'Miracles Do Happen: God can do the impossible' by Sister Briege. I thought the title of the book pretty clichéd and there was nothing really to attract me but I just picked it up and started reading from the middle. She speaks about a 'torn tent' where the Lord sits waiting for us. She says that we get so hassled with the state of our souls and the demands of out lives that we forget that the Lord will repair the 'battered tent' and sort everything else if only we sit before him in silence. 

At the same time, I received several 'Words' from my online intercessory group about holding on and God working through my suffering. Finally, after New Year's, Mother Mary came to my rescue. I really don't know how or when but one day during the rosary, she inspired me to tell the Lord how much I loved him. It was hard! In the middle of the mess of my life, to focus on Love is very hard. But with her, I manage to tell Jesus- 'I love you, Lord'. It was like breaking through the waters for a breadth of fresh air. Saying it over and over again with Mary, I suddenly got perspective. The most important thing in life is to remember- God loves you and you love him too. It's as if, the troubles and the sufferings are just ancillary because what matters is that you love the Lord. (The strength to love him comes from God so to tell Jesus that you love him is impossible without his grace)

My work troubles did not magically go away but I have received new strength. I am no longer fearful or as fearful as I was, though I still get panic attacks but going to Mary and asking her to take me to that lonely place where the Lord is found, telling him again and again that I love him, is healing in itself.

As the light keeps growing brighter, I have to come understand why this period of desolation is so important. It is to purify the spirit. To look to Jesus even when it seems that you receive nothing from him ('Lord, to whom can we go to? You have the words of eternal life.') That is the love that he desires and the fruit of desolation.