I was tired, tired, tired...I was in no mood for the Holy Week.
I was at home with my family, hoping to do a lot of spiritual reading, praying, meditating on the Lord's journey to the grave and back but instead I was mopping around the house, feeling terribly insipid and almost paralyzed by lethargy.
I couldn't figure out why?
Made my confession? check
Personal prayer (off late, it's becoming terribly whinny sort of praying, nevertheless...)? check
Served the Church (though my tiny prayer group)? Check
Then why O why, this misery? The nights were restless with insomnia. Not that I suffer from it but the restlessness of my spirit disturbed my peace and offered me no rest.
It was the worst on Good Friday...
On Easter, the darkness lifted.
I somehow felt that, in a smallish sort of way, I was participating in the Lord's passion. I never did realise what my restlessness of spirit was about but a dear friend in who I confided my malady, advised me to seek healing in the Eucharist. After all, the Lord is the penultimate, Divine healer. That night at the Vigil, tired and worn out I looked to the Lord and in my soul, I asked (begged) 'Lord, if you are willing, heal and deliver me.'
That night, I slept...
I am still tired after the last week but I am hopeful and not burdened.
Pascal Triduum
I couldn't figure out why?
Made my confession? check
Personal prayer (off late, it's becoming terribly whinny sort of praying, nevertheless...)? check
Served the Church (though my tiny prayer group)? Check
Then why O why, this misery? The nights were restless with insomnia. Not that I suffer from it but the restlessness of my spirit disturbed my peace and offered me no rest.
It was the worst on Good Friday...
On Easter, the darkness lifted.
I somehow felt that, in a smallish sort of way, I was participating in the Lord's passion. I never did realise what my restlessness of spirit was about but a dear friend in who I confided my malady, advised me to seek healing in the Eucharist. After all, the Lord is the penultimate, Divine healer. That night at the Vigil, tired and worn out I looked to the Lord and in my soul, I asked (begged) 'Lord, if you are willing, heal and deliver me.'
That night, I slept...
I am still tired after the last week but I am hopeful and not burdened.
We all go through periods when we walk down Emmaus Valley.
ReplyDeleteRemember how the two followers of Jesus walking on the way to Emmaus were totally despondent and down in spirit because their Lord and Master had died. They didn't even recognise Jesus walking side by side with them.
It's because whilst concentrating on their situation and their misery they had momentarily taken away their focus from Christ.
We too, sometimes, for various reasons, take our focus away from God. Maybe through tiredness, worry, fear or various other reasons, we look away and forget to focus on Him.
Praying for you.
God bless.
Thanks for your prayers, Victor.
ReplyDeleteIt was a difficult time for me and I am still recovering bit by bit. I think you are right in saying that I took my focus off Christ and made my suffering god.
I sometime wonder how the saints turned their suffering into virtue. They say that they opened the treasures of suffering through the key of love. How did they do it? Like practically...
I understand what you are asking about the saints. I too have wondered ... but then, I realised I was taking my focus off God.
ReplyDeleteIn this world, we will all suffer in one way or another. God allows it to happen. If we accept it, as best as we can, He will turn our difficulties into good.
God bless.