That dreaded season. Why does the Lord keep bringing the same bitter cup to my lips, to be drunk to the very dregs?
There are a lot of analogies for suffering- gold being purified, clay being molded, vines being pruned... but though they made a lot of sense intellectually, to my spirit it brought no solace.
But the beauty of the Lord is this, He is Truth and Truth is manifested in so many ways, in so many forms and so in many of us. As much as we try to classify people, we still are so unique and varied. He likes that, I think. So he speaks to our spirits in ways that only we, as individuals can understand. And so he spoke to me...
Today, was one of those vicious days where nothing went right, no task was getting ticked as 'done', no comfort, so peace... and a sleep-deprived headache. Heaven was quiet and I knew I was nearing melting point.
I was walking to a nearby cafe to grab some lunch, when I had a 'moment of meeting' with the Lord. I was upset, tired, disgruntled and very unhappy but in spite of all that, I did not put the Lord to the test. I just humbled myself in my heart and said, 'Lord! LORD!' He didn't saying anything but his presence remained like a lingering fragrance. I had my lunch and that moment passed...
Then all of a sudden the Holy Spirit brought it to me, that it was the first time that I did not question (in doubt) the hand of the Lord in my present. I saw this vision of the good thief and the bad thief on either sides of the cross. Both were in need to help and liberation. One chose to challenge, the other chose to let go and let be lead, in faith.
I understood... I had moved and in my suffering, made pure. My suffering took me to a higher ground; not to whinge and challenge but to trust and be made small.
And this is wisdom, when you understand divine truths in the light of who you are and how you are tuned.
I understood, that sufferings is needed because it helps you find gold in the sludge. Mining gold is a dirty, backbreaking, messy process. If you watch any of the videos on youtube on gold mining, you'll understand what I mean. Find that one piece of precious metal and it will suffice for all your labours.
Suffering helps dredge virtue from the sludge. It scrapes away all your masks, washes off your self-pretense and disperses all forms of factitious spirituality, till you find that one virtue that your previously felt you had but never knew it's true worth.
Suffering makes your treasures worthwhile. If it was as simple as breathing to mine gold and diamond, do you think we would treasure the metal and the rock so well? Similarly, suffering contributes great value to your virtue, even in God's eyes.
And when you know what they are truly worth because of the price you've paid in pain and tears, then your heart will be even greatly captivated by the Lord who is the source and summit of all virtue and grace. And where your treasure lies , there will your heart lie... utterly. With God.