Hope and Expanding the Soul

Mary, Mother of God
Mother of Sorrows, Ora Pro Nobis!

They say that suffering expands the soul to receive God. I found that hard to take. 

 Suffering by itself can drown the soul, deep into bitterness and spoil clear light of idealism into the vinegar of cynicism. We are fallen and half-blind; which is worse than complete blindness. The blind man believed the Messiah in faith; the rich young man, half seeing, not perceiving left his Lord and walked away sad. 

Maybe if he had known that his soul's sorrow came not from the bitter choice but from leaving the Beloved; he might have tarried. Perhaps.

Aye, a little knowledge and an ill-instructed spirituality is a dangerous thing.

But this post is about hope. The strength to believe against all disbelief and unbelief.

What does Mary tell us  about the night of  her soul? That it's hope that expands the soul to grow big enough to carry the Cross and not lose sight of eternity.

Suffering without hope is a withered tree in the desert; hope without suffering is a cloud grasped in the fist of one's hand.

As Mary believed, so Mary hoped.

A mustard seed of Faith. A little phial of Hope. That is enough.

I like to contemplate her sorrows not through a dark well of tears but rather through her resilience to hope against all hope hopen.

At the prophesy of Simeon, she hoped.

During her harried journey into Egypt, she hoped.

At the loss of her child, through each excruciating day, she hoped.

Under the excruciating weight of the Cross, she hoped.

At the foot of the Cross, she hoped.

As she looked upon the face of her cold still child, she hoped.

When they took him away for the last time...she still hoped.

And Hope did not fail.

Mary, Mother of Sorrows
Mary, Mother of Hope. Ora Pro Nobis

She believed...

May is nearly here- the Month of Mary.

Mary was a natural contemplation mystic. Contemplation being a form of prayer where a person turn things over, not in his or her mind but in her heart. Heart being the seat where one finds God, not quite the fluffy, pansy, emotional-driven core but a place of truth and trust. Feelings do have a play but more than that it's a place of surrender and abandonment to God.

'Do unto me as thou hast said'

Those are not easy words if one truly understood the full implication of saying them. Mary weighed the words in her heart and spoke- Fiat. A complete consummation of consent. And the history of mankind changed forever.

This May, I thought of doing Mary's Way. To contemplate and to sit abide in God. The fruit of contemplation, is surrender. But before that happens, there is something else... belief. 

I often wondered what the difference was between faith and trust and belief. This is what I understood- 

Faith is a gift. To become aware of God and trust in who he is.
Trust is confidence in the credibility of God.
Belief. I think Belief becomes more personal and intimate. Belief is a 'knowing'. It is faith in action.

Paul received the gift of Faith at Damascus. Mary (the sister of Martha) trusted Jesus to have done something to save Lazarus.

But Mary believed... she knew. Old Simeon knew he held the Messiah in his arms. He didn't need a white dove hovering over. Abraham believed God. To believe is to translate faith into action.

One of the most beautiful proofs I have read on belief is from 'The Children of Hurin' by J.R.R.Tolkien. The story is one of tragedy surrounding the family of Hurin who challenged the might of Melkor. Melkor was a fallen Elect, an immortal. Not of flesh and blood but of pure spirit. He seek to subdue all the earth and creation but the elves and men of Middle-Earth challenged him. They failed and Hurin, the leader of men was captured.

Thus begins a dissertation between Melkor the immortal and Hurin the man. Melkor tries to destroy every belief that Hurin has held sacred since his youth. 

To break a man's beliefs is to subjugate him completely. 

Man needs to believe, in order to live. 

But in the end, Hurin pronounces his one true creed- I know this and I know it with all my heart, that you are not the Lord of men and you shall never be its master.

Mary believed...

God is Just. 
God is True. 
God is Love.
God is Good.

And the scripture resounds- 'Blessed is she who believed...' 

Name your Master(s)

God, sometimes places us in quaint places where were are forced to confront the dark areas of our soul. A la Johari's Window but it is in these dark places where our secret sin festers and bondage remains hidden. We find ourselves, committed Catholics, truly seeking the Kingdom of God, when we come face to face with the Master. Then the old drama of the Rich Young Man (Mark 10:17-31) plays out...

"Lord, what must I do to love you more each day"

The Master will point at the one treasure of your soul and ask you to give it up.

"You cannot serve two master!"

                                                    - Matt 6:24

It is impossible to be truly free without complete detachment and our attachments are undoubtedly to our treasures. Secret treasures like ambition, pet idiosyncrasies and even persons or possessions will eat you from within like a slow undetected cancer. You will be much anxious to be rid of it but your lust for it will be too strong...

Gollum's Bane."My... preciousssss"

This is when we need a Saviour. I think most of us would know that mammon has a great sway over our souls but do you know the masks that mammon wears.

Ambition. It may or may not have anything to do with the paycheck but the driving desire to rise, outperform, perfect can effectively cancel out the light of God's grace. God is our Provider and we are always in the position of the receiver. We have not done or ever will do anything without Him. 

Even the slightest degree of ambition is an indication of self-desire and aspiration apart from what God has ordained for us. When God made Adam, the garden was ready for him. Adam served God by tending to the plants and animals. He had not taken the garden as tithe unto himself and tried to bring forth his own by the sweat of his brow.Whether the garden flowered or wilted, it was the Almighty Father who provided for all his needs. Our focus at all times is to serve God through our work, our love, our service and yes, even through our devotion.

My work has been a great blessing in this space. I came to realise that I harboured great dreams of might and highness deep in the corners of my soul only when I was given a role which fired my inner Balrog. I was severely disturbed. The only way I could be free of fear of man and listen to my Christian conscience is to reject all ambitions for myself.

I call to God, the Most High,

to God, who supplies my every need.

                                            - Psalm 57:2 

Was it a struggle? Oh yes! For days I fought with myself, checked my every thought, appealed to all the saints and angels to intercede for me. Through difficulties and humiliations at my job, I gradually surrendered, bit by bit. Old demons, die hard.

So, do I still struggle with pride? Yes. The enemy, like a roaring lion is ever waiting for any unguarded moment. But for every fight that leaves me tired and disheartened, there is a peace that surpassed all understanding, there is a liberation that makes you skip like calves let out of a stall (Mal 4:2)

And when you are ready to give up; remember...

"When the storms to temptation burst upon you, when you see yourself driven upon the rocks of tribulation, look at the star, call upon Mary. When swallowed by pride or ambition, or hatred, or jealousy, look at the star, call upon Mary. Should anger, or avarice, or fleshly desire violently assail the frail vessel of your soul, look at the star, call upon Mary."                                       

                                                            - Saint Bernard of Clairvaux

Salvation or Happiness?

This unusual reflection suddenly came upon me when I read Prof. Ratzinger's (before he became Pope Benedict XVI) lesson on happiness.


He said something which shook me to my foundations. 


The word “happiness” has gradually replaced the classic term “salvation”, in the common sentiment and speech, outside the theological context.


But how is salvation different from happiness? 


The professor says the term “salvation” meant the salvation of the world, within which the salvation of the individual person is brought about while happiness reduces salvation to an individual level, a well-being relating to the “quality” of life a person enjoys while excluding the world as a whole.


It then suddenly hit me that my entire relationship with Christ was centered around the hope that I could or would be happy being with or knowing Christ. In Catholic circles, happiness is often corrected to joy...my feeling is that, in our minds it means more or less the same thing- individualistic aspirations.


To change my mindset from the pursuit of happyness to the salvation of all mankind, makes my tiny purpose in life so much more bigger, so much more profound and yes, so much more dying to myself. It is difficult to take my eyes off 'what's in it for me?' and do it for a greater purpose.

Take the example of Mary. Did she have a happy life? Maybe; there might have been moments of happiness. Did she suffer? Dearly. The sword was prophesied from the very beginning. Why did she embrace her calling? 

Love.


Only love can bring a person to undertake such great suffering. Suffering, not for herself or for her own but for the sake of the world. Today, for her silent participation in the salvation mystery, she is hailed as Co-Redemptrix. 

What great love Our Lady must have had to embrace the very perpetrators of her sons' death as her own children? Her immense suffering expanded her heart to love a broken people like us. Hence, the Queen of Heaven also bears the title of Mother of Sorrows. 


Mary gave her all. For in love, you don't count the costs.


Coming to me. Would that I be able to give up all my hope for a happy life to full life of suffering, hope, pain and peace that many may live through me?


Discerning marriage as my vocation, I always looked to the Lord to send me the 'right' one. But what if the right one is someone who is a difficult person ? God may choose to bring about his salvation through my patient bearing and love. What if my children choose to desert the faith of their fathers and walk away? God might still ask me to bear witness to his truth, to love them, correct them, pray for them and offer my pain for their redemption...


But am I willing?