A Mustard seed of Faith

 God does not make mistakes!

That is the Truth and Truth it is. The catch is whether we believe it or not. Not believe it being the Truth but believe Truth (who is God) about Himself. 

So, we all believe in God and as Jesus so poignantly said- Even the demons believe in God. 

They just don't trust Him.

And so, when one does introspect, "Do I believe that God does not make mistakes?", it is the simplified version of, "Do I trust God never to mess up even after all the mess I created for myself?"

This 'Parent' question spawns numerous off-springs like, why does God allow children to suffer from cancer? Why are there so many wars? Or closer home- Why me, Lord?

...a dim echo of, 'Could God have made a mistake?' 

Your really don't have to search your memory to recall instances of people asking you this question in retrospection  They pose it as a rhetoric and they really don't expect an answer. There isn't one, they think; seeing the situation they are locked in. 

And what about the many times we have whispered it to ourselves in the secret recesses of our soul? 

My times-of-distress teaser was a simple- Lord, where are you?

I never expected an answer... because I believed He did NOT have an answer.

Then something happened that made me wonder...

The week that was, was a roller-coaster. A high and a low and a low. It was a difficult, difficult time, especially for a person like me who does not like change or a disturbance in my daily rhythm. I don't remember if I threw one of my posers at God but I definitely was wondering what on earth was happening. Somewhere in the middle of the week, I received a card from a close friend in Canada. It was posted weeks ago to a common friend and was waiting to be received. I just didn't have the time to collect it. It finally found its way to my hands through a fellow choir member and I opened it...

It was small-ish, simple card, with a caricature on the cover. On the inside was my pals' neat, tidy handwriting on the two facing sides. Then there, right at the bottom of card was this printed verse from Daniel...

"God loves you very much."

I nearly wept...

In all the Bible, that was my favourite verse. I never told it to anyone. I loved that verse before I even knew how to read the Bible. It called to me as no other verse ever did. My favourite Bible meditation was to imagine myself in Daniel's shoes and hear the salutation, 'Daniel! God loves you' over and over and over again.

Fear not! God loves you...

He knew my soul even before that week arrived. He timed it to reach my hands at the opportune time. He sent his Spirit to remind me... He does not make mistakes.

Though it is not quite the correct response to my, 'Lord, where are you?' cry; it is the best One. 

What I am going through, is well and foreseen. Even in the midst of the chaos I created for myself and for others, He does not make mistakes. There are no wrong judgement calls and there is disaster-recovery for Him. 

The Light has shone in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

I'll praise you in this storm

One of the most difficult aspects of our faith, is to keep trusting; when things go wrong and times get rough. 

I'm still learning...and falling. But I know his hand will raise me up again.


How else can I pray then, if not to cry to Abba Father, "help me, Lord!"

Though the fig tree does not bud 

and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen 

and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 

The Sovereign LORD is my strength; 

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to go on the heights.

                                  - Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Breaking through the Clouds...

There is this beautiful scene from the Lord of the Rings (Return of the King) which never fails to inspire me. It is the part where poor Frodo and Sam along with their nefarious guide, Gollum are passing through 'occupied territory' in Mordor. There were fallen statues of the Kings of old. Most were cloven and defaced. As they walked through that desolation (for Mordor was ever covered by a robe of darkness), there was a stone head of a Gondorian King by the way. Suddenly, just as Sam turned, the sun pierced through the night and the white lilies that grew around the Kings' head caught it, ablaze; and the Crownless was once again crowned King!

"Mr. Frodo, look!"

"The king has got a crown again!"- Sam

The week that was, was a witness to that event. Two bouts of darkness nearly engulfed me. Two situations and an absolute feeling of entrapment. 

It was at work and we all know how suddenly restructuring events can catch your breath and stay your heartbeat. I found myself in place where I had nothing really to contribute to the firm anymore. It was a mismatch in skills and aspirations with the tasks at hand. Another position which would have suited me fine had already gestated into two months without culminating. 

The situation- to stay and commit to the impassable or to stay and commit to the impassable. There was no choice! My distress was in the extreme. "Lord", I cried, "Where are you in my desolation?" 

This is where the real choice arose. Whether to continue into the mire of self-pity and hopelessness or to look back into the past, at the marvelous deeds the Lord had done, to renew my strength in his faithfulness, to surrender and trust again in him alone.

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me"

Psalms 131:2

It took recollection and surrender. It took a prayer of Faith. All I remember, as I stumbled through a daze during those days was a moment in time when I stopped and looked at the dark crowds and said, "Lord, I know you are still in control and I trust in you." That's it.

The sun broke through...

Stay with us, Lord

One of the most beautiful, inscriptions that I have seen outside an Adoration chapel is the one at St. Patrick's Church, Bangalore.


It is from Luke 24:29

"Stay with us, Lord"

I don't know which pulls at my heart most. The scripture which echos the cry of my heart or the response of the Almighty in the exposed monstrance. 

Luke 24 is the story of the forlorn disciples on the road to Emmaus. The scripture says that the disciples were walking in the evening and that's when Jesus came beside them. It is possible that darkness overtook them on the way and 'their eyes were prevented from seeing him'. As the disciples neared the village, Jesus made as if to go further but they pressed him to stay with them. He accepted and during the breaking of the bread he revealed himself as the Lord


I have often been in that place where God seemed dead and absent. Darkness has a funny way of obscuring the truth. Our despair, confusion, loss, guilt and shame all have a way of keeping our heart from perceiving the Beloved beside us. That's when we have a choice. To entreat him or to give in to the darkness.

When in despair; stay with us, Lord 

When in sadness; stay with us, Lord

When all hope is lost; stay with us, Lord

When I am ready to be found; stay with us, Lord

On the Virtue of Gratitude...and Simplicity

 The World is Mine

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you,
you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

I received this poem by mail this morning and strangely enough it brought to my mind the need for simplicity in our faith and virtues. 

By faith, I mean one's personal relationship in God; not The Faith which is Catholic and the Truth. A simplicity which doesn't require proof or dissertation but a humble acceptance that the Father would not lie. 

I often wondered if Mother Mary really knew what she was getting into when she said her "Fiat". She was only a young girl then and illiterate at that too. Her faith would have been the simple faith of her forefathers; that God would always know best. A child-like trust and a simpleton's hope that pain and suffering would not be naught; troubled times would give way to a new day would arrive. 

To give you an exquisite example, watch the below video of Garvin Bryne, who had a rare condition of the bone marrow and died at the tender age of 11. He speaks of his faith and oncoming death. 

I tell you, he is a Saint!

I think God knew that the intellectuals among us would be terribly seduced by the wealth of knowledge in the Church and sentimental would wallow in the 'experience' of God's presence. Not that any of this is bad, but how many of us can claim to possess the Garvin's faith in his Saviour (Matt 18:4). Such grace and candour in the face of such a terrible fate!

Let's try this litmus test, shall we? Imagine you get to know that you have been slowly dying of a rare disease and you didn't even know about it. Now, time is short and you have passed the window where medical science could help. Would you at that point of time find yourself grateful for all the time God has blessed you with? Would you, as Garvin put it, look forward to the great adventure of seeing Jesus? Would you JUST KNOW that things, though terribly wrong and awry, will just work themselves out for the good of you, your family and all those you love and loved you because God is in control?

A World of my Own!

As I write this post, I find echos of my childhood wafting through my mind...


Strange! I always thought that I was a religious child; but I now think I was really very superstitious. I remember going to sleep with my right hand on my soul (a little over my stomach) like a lucky charm to keep the devil from stealing my soul when I was asleep.


I remember signing myself with the cross (several times) before writing an answer paper just so to be sure that I had done it the 'right way'. My belief was that God would not be appeased to help me out if I didn't 'salute' him rightly...


I remember searching for crosses or names of saints in the vaguest of places, situation...clouds, scenery, cutlery, wall graffiti, as a good-luck portent that my quest will be blessed because I found the hidden sigma.


I have now come to see that these were fallacies of an over-active imagination and a deep anxiety complex of an inherently insecure child. I read another blogger describing the same symptoms and she says that they were her meager attempts to seek control over an uncontrollable world. This rang true with me. 


The times when I found myself in a spot or disciplined, I immediately retreated into my make-believe world of perfection. Some would say, it's a beautiful talent to bring worlds and realities into existence. But there is something disoriented about a make-believe world which seems more real that than reality. This is no a la Calvin's Spaceman Spiff. There were days when I was in a haze, just sleepwalking through the day. The absent-present girl!

As Coraline finds out, a fantasy world is not all it's supposed to be...

God of Small Things

Have you ever notice the more you introspect about anything in the natural world, the more complex it turns out to be...


He who built the firmament also drew the piercing detail of each snowflake,


and coordinated the prefect synchronization of a flock of birds...


or maybe when God wants to intervene he does so in the most innocuous manner touching upon the smallest things in our lives, things we probably haven't noticed existed in us for years...


and then your whole world changes.



I found it strange that God wanted me to fast off worry, worrying, passive anxiety and all their toxic cousins this Lent. I couldn't believe it. Such a small thing...I was willing to give up better stuff like no TV or movies or better still, no YouTube or facebook. Ask big, Lord!


I agreed not realizing how much of myself I would learn. It wasn't such a small deal at all. God had just touched my an alpha-problem (that is, before he tackles my next alpha-problem). 


I am a natural worrier! It's just that the thought never occurred to me or I was too busy worrying  to really notice that I was a worrier. I am a ball of knotted-fear, from which radiates worry and anxiety and spills over as a looming cloud of negativity. What I used to term as 'Devil's Advocate' stance was actually my mask to hide my insecurities and fear. 


What if....? Maybe, but....? How can we be sure? I think we need to look at the other side? Should we wait a bit...


Sounds familiar? You are hedging risks...Not that it is a bad thing in financial planning but you can't hedge risks with God. His plans are so outrageous and his proposals so extravagant that it is impossible to consider the full implications of failure. Think Abraham...how could he cut short his loss of not having an heir after having sacrificed Issac or Esther, die standing up for her people or die being one of them?


But there is a solution. Trust! 'Trust in God, Trust also in me', said Jesus (John 14:1). And that changes everything.


God was suggesting a solution- Let Go and Let God Take Over! Change of management. Not very pleasant. It means a reorganization. Change the way we have been living and responding to situations all these years. 


But do not despair. Our God is also called the Lord of the Breakthrough (1 Chron 14:11). Trust his grace to abound as you take this leap of faith. It is the only thing which sustains me as I walk into this brave new world. 


So pray for me, folks. Pray for yourselves as well and all those who need tiny interventions. Our God of Small things leaves no pebble unturned...