A Season of Waiting

There is a season of waiting...

The Good Book makes much of this season. It begins with the waiting for the Messiah just after the Fall and it end with the waiting for the return of The King.

Abraham waiting a hundred years for Isaac to be, is lot of time. But 40 years of wandering about in a desert to reach the Promised Land is enough to make one cry. 

And yes, the desert. Why does it always have to be in the desert?

The strange thing about this desert is that it's not necessarily geographical. Jonah's desert was a the belly of a whale. A Whale! Have any of you ever got a chance to sniff the breadth of a blue whale!
Jesus had his desert in a garden.
The Mother of God had her's for three days in the house of John, son of Zebedee, before she saw her Son after she laid him in the tomb. 
And some of us find this desert in our very souls. A dryness that companionship and prayer does nothing to elevate.

Even the Saviour was alone in his waiting

And then there is the waiting... 

I personally dislike having to wait- whether be it in queues or for websites to load or for promises to unfold. Most of all, I dislike ambiguous waiting-in-the-dark type of situations! The kind where you do not know what is expected at the end of the wait. The wait would become a little bit less painful if at least you know what is expected, is to be. But strangely, that is not the hope that is promised to us.

"But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." - Rom 8:25 

 When I cannot see, it is to walk with eyes of faith. Blessed are those whose eyes are turned towards the Lord of Hosts and believe that good things await the righteous.

Sometimes, with waiting in the desert comes doubt and hopelessness. The death of hope where hope once was, only makes the darkness darker. This cynicism made Sarah laugh inside the tent. A defeatism that made Nathaniel wonder if even God could bring good out of Nazareth. Then there is regret, which caused the Israelites to murmur against Moses.

But in the waiting is purification. A deadening of the senses and awakening of the Spirit. A fullness that the saints speak of, in the midst of poverty. God loves the desert. He knows that there can be no distractions and no other who can penetrate your soul as He could. There he will make you wait till your thirst for him is cleaned of every unworthy intention but to have him alone. In the desert you will learn the depth of your love for the Lord. You will understand hope, in no other way as from Hope himself. In the desert...

...he will come, like the bridegroom in the night, softly calling your name. You will not see him but you know that the Master is near. 

When the waiting is done and your cup is full, then will you understand, why the waiting, why the desert?

Give me hope, Lord

I am tired, tired, tired...

It's 8:30 in the night and I am still in my office hole. I must have put in more than 10 hours of work at no extra charge and I am famished...

That's not all. I was also caught up in the biggest downpour of the year, in a city that's nearing drought estimates in precipitation and when I finally reached home nearing 11 PM, I was too tired to sleep. I was up at an unearthly hour next morning thanks to my insomnia.

But strangely enough, I am also grateful that it gives me an opportunity to offer my suffering for a greater good. It makes it almost sweet...my suffering that is, though it does not make it any easier. 

It certainly hasn't dimmed my ardent desire to run away from this place. It is so hard to look up and acknowledge something beautiful is at work already. 

Grant me hope for tomorrow, Lord

So, I pray for hope and I pray for fortitude. I cannot have one without the other, for without hope, fortitude calls for ruthlessness, a hard stone-man; and without fortitude, hope has no substance.

 St. Teresa of Avila's Bookmark

Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,

All things are passing

God never changes.

Patience obtains all things.

He who has God

finds he lacks nothing;

God alone suffices.

And the end of all things, GOD ALONE SUFFICES...

Presenting.....

Caution: the below image and content may result in severe disruption of your system's performance due to hydration of the circuitboard by human saliva!

 

JRR Tolkien's 'The Hobbit' in Latin

 

Yes, my dear people, one of the greatet literary wonders of the 20th century by one of the greatest Catholic writers of the 20th century in the language of the Church.

Need I say more?

I wonder if they have a chant to go with it...

Cry, the little people!

I confess, I purloined this post title from one of my favourite books, 'Cry, the Beloved Country' by Alan Paton. I love this book because of the humanity that binds the two protagonists and Christian spirit that unites them beyond grief, race and situation. It is truly a Spirit-filled novel!

But this post, is not about a novella, a character or even a story. It is about human experience...

Have you ever found yourselves floundering in a huge cauldron of boiling emotions and nobody around you seems to understand what you are going through? 

It is this nameless, faceless, fear and hopelessness. It stretches it's fingers like a dark menace above your soul, a silent oppression. You cannot describe it nor define it. It seeps into your existence so that the days on end seem to meld into each other and there seems to be no escape. 

I had suffered this malady for nearly a month on end...till at last, the merciful Father broke through the night. He sent a dream to a friend who woke up at 3 AM to my screaming in her dreams. Agony in the night! Sorrow in the morning! She prayed for my solace and called me the next morning to tell me of it and comfort me that help was at hand.

That weekend I attended a convention for Christian working professionals only because I was a part of the gospel band invited to lead worship there. One of the key speakers spoke of Spiritual Warfare at the workplace. He spoke of heaviness in his spirit and inside his head. And if that was not all, everything at work seemed to be going asunder.

Then it all came home to me. I understood where the Devil had taken a tiny foothold and then moved to wreck havoc into my place of calling (if the Lord has placed you in the corporate world then he has done it because it is a part of your calling.) It was the simplest of lapses and yet it was enough...

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

- 1 Peter 5:8

My work is cut out for me now. To be alert and to hold captive every thought, no matter how innocent but every thought which does not bring Glory to my God and surrender it to him (2 Cor 10:5). It took an small, innocuous beginning to bring me to this brokenness. But I believe, that the Redeemer will turn even this to his purpose and for my salvation.

So, cry, ye little people and the Lord will surely answer your plea. His ears are turned to the helpless and the orphaned, to those whom understand has bereft alone. 

Cry, unto to him who feeds the hungry ravens as they call. Will he not answer thee? How can he not answer thee? His soul beats for his own.

Cry, O beloved ones, the Lord has his loving ear turned towards you. 
Cry, to him with heart rending and hope. He does not abandon! 
Cry, to him from the pits of your darkness, he has heard your voice even before you had opened your mouth. 
Cry, to Him little people, the Lord has not forgotten thee. He will answer, He will come.

 But for you who obey me, my saving power will rise on you like the sun and bring healing like the sun's rays.- Malachi 4:2 

The Saint-maker

I found this amazing story of Elizabeth Leseur, the wife of one Dr. Felix Leseur, who was the spiritual guide of another Peter John Sheen, who was called 'Servant of God'...

Elisabeth was born in Paris to a wealthy bourgeois French family of Corsican descent. She met Félix Leseur, also from an affluent, Catholic family in 1887. Shortly before they married on July 31, 1889, Elisabeth discovered that Félix was no longer a practicing Catholic. Though he continued to practice medicine, Dr. Félix Leseur soon became well known as the editor of an anti-clerical, atheistic newspaper in Paris.

 Elisabeth and Felix Leseur during happier times

Despite his pledge to respect Elisabeth's religious beliefs, as his hatred of the Catholic faith grew he soon began to question, undermine, and ridicule Elisabeth's faith. In his memoirs, Félix describes how his efforts to "enlighten" Elisabeth nearly succeeded. He had persuaded Elisabeth to read Ernest Renan's Life of Jesus with the expectation that it would finally shatter her last remaining loyalties to Catholicism. Instead, he records that she was "struck by the poverty of substance" on which the arguments were based and was inspired to devote herself to her own religious education. Soon, their home was filled with two libraries. One, a library devoted to the justifications of atheism and the second to the lives of the saints and the intellectual arguments in favor of Christ and Catholic Church. Félix was frustrated to discover that his challenges to her faith had actually led her to become not only more grounded in her beliefs, but more fervent and determined to become holy.

In 1905, she was taken ill and tossed on a bed of constant pain until August 1914. When she was dying, she said to her husband, "Felix, when I am dead, you will become a Catholic and a Dominican priest." To this he responded: "Elizabeth, you know my sentiments. I've sworn hatred of God, I shall live in the hatred and I shall die in it."

She repeated her words and passed away. She died in her husband's arms at the early age of 47. Rummaging through her papers, Felix found her will. She wrote: "In 1905, I asked almighty God to send me sufficient sufferings to purchase your soul. On the day that I die, the price will have been paid. Greater love than this no woman has than she who lay down her life for her husband." Dr. Leseur, the atheist, dismissed her will as the fancies of a pious woman.

He decided to write a book against Lourdes. When he went down to Lourdes however and he looked up into the face of the statue of Mary, he received the great gift of faith. He saw it all. At once.

In the year 1924, during Lent, Fulton J. Sheen (born Peter John Sheen), made a retreat in the Dominican monastery in Belgium under the spiritual guidance of Father Felix Leseur of the Order of Preachers, Catholic Dominican priest, who told him this story.

Saints are never made in isolation. 


Remember your place in God's plan.

It is true that you may never meet the person you helped become a saint, but you may be sure you will be blessed for it.

Elisabeth Leseur's cause for canonization is under consideration. Her current status in the process of canonization is that of a 'Servant of God'.

Blessed be the Peacemakers

Blessed be you who are vented upon by those you wish to reconcile to each other...

Blessed be you who fall out of favour in the stand for truth and peace...

Blessed be you who are cursed and curried as cowards and traitors for not partaking in an unjust cause...

Blessed be you when you choose silence over words, when words would uphold your right but destroy fragile peace...

Blessed be you when you walk in troubled times but let not the chaos seep into your souls...

Blessed be you when you choose unjust peace over a just war...

Blessed be you when isolation becomes your companion and great sacrifice is asked of you to still troubled waters...

For the Son of Man came to reconcile the warring children to their Father, and received a friend's betrayal, a lonely cross, an outlaw's death and a borrowed grave.

But there is still a promise...

Rejoice and be glad for you will be called Sons of God (Matt 5:9)

Name your Master(s)

God, sometimes places us in quaint places where were are forced to confront the dark areas of our soul. A la Johari's Window but it is in these dark places where our secret sin festers and bondage remains hidden. We find ourselves, committed Catholics, truly seeking the Kingdom of God, when we come face to face with the Master. Then the old drama of the Rich Young Man (Mark 10:17-31) plays out...

"Lord, what must I do to love you more each day"

The Master will point at the one treasure of your soul and ask you to give it up.

"You cannot serve two master!"

                                                    - Matt 6:24

It is impossible to be truly free without complete detachment and our attachments are undoubtedly to our treasures. Secret treasures like ambition, pet idiosyncrasies and even persons or possessions will eat you from within like a slow undetected cancer. You will be much anxious to be rid of it but your lust for it will be too strong...

Gollum's Bane."My... preciousssss"

This is when we need a Saviour. I think most of us would know that mammon has a great sway over our souls but do you know the masks that mammon wears.

Ambition. It may or may not have anything to do with the paycheck but the driving desire to rise, outperform, perfect can effectively cancel out the light of God's grace. God is our Provider and we are always in the position of the receiver. We have not done or ever will do anything without Him. 

Even the slightest degree of ambition is an indication of self-desire and aspiration apart from what God has ordained for us. When God made Adam, the garden was ready for him. Adam served God by tending to the plants and animals. He had not taken the garden as tithe unto himself and tried to bring forth his own by the sweat of his brow.Whether the garden flowered or wilted, it was the Almighty Father who provided for all his needs. Our focus at all times is to serve God through our work, our love, our service and yes, even through our devotion.

My work has been a great blessing in this space. I came to realise that I harboured great dreams of might and highness deep in the corners of my soul only when I was given a role which fired my inner Balrog. I was severely disturbed. The only way I could be free of fear of man and listen to my Christian conscience is to reject all ambitions for myself.

I call to God, the Most High,

to God, who supplies my every need.

                                            - Psalm 57:2 

Was it a struggle? Oh yes! For days I fought with myself, checked my every thought, appealed to all the saints and angels to intercede for me. Through difficulties and humiliations at my job, I gradually surrendered, bit by bit. Old demons, die hard.

So, do I still struggle with pride? Yes. The enemy, like a roaring lion is ever waiting for any unguarded moment. But for every fight that leaves me tired and disheartened, there is a peace that surpassed all understanding, there is a liberation that makes you skip like calves let out of a stall (Mal 4:2)

And when you are ready to give up; remember...

"When the storms to temptation burst upon you, when you see yourself driven upon the rocks of tribulation, look at the star, call upon Mary. When swallowed by pride or ambition, or hatred, or jealousy, look at the star, call upon Mary. Should anger, or avarice, or fleshly desire violently assail the frail vessel of your soul, look at the star, call upon Mary."                                       

                                                            - Saint Bernard of Clairvaux