The Saint-maker

I found this amazing story of Elizabeth Leseur, the wife of one Dr. Felix Leseur, who was the spiritual guide of another Peter John Sheen, who was called 'Servant of God'...

Elisabeth was born in Paris to a wealthy bourgeois French family of Corsican descent. She met Félix Leseur, also from an affluent, Catholic family in 1887. Shortly before they married on July 31, 1889, Elisabeth discovered that Félix was no longer a practicing Catholic. Though he continued to practice medicine, Dr. Félix Leseur soon became well known as the editor of an anti-clerical, atheistic newspaper in Paris.

 Elisabeth and Felix Leseur during happier times

Despite his pledge to respect Elisabeth's religious beliefs, as his hatred of the Catholic faith grew he soon began to question, undermine, and ridicule Elisabeth's faith. In his memoirs, Félix describes how his efforts to "enlighten" Elisabeth nearly succeeded. He had persuaded Elisabeth to read Ernest Renan's Life of Jesus with the expectation that it would finally shatter her last remaining loyalties to Catholicism. Instead, he records that she was "struck by the poverty of substance" on which the arguments were based and was inspired to devote herself to her own religious education. Soon, their home was filled with two libraries. One, a library devoted to the justifications of atheism and the second to the lives of the saints and the intellectual arguments in favor of Christ and Catholic Church. Félix was frustrated to discover that his challenges to her faith had actually led her to become not only more grounded in her beliefs, but more fervent and determined to become holy.

In 1905, she was taken ill and tossed on a bed of constant pain until August 1914. When she was dying, she said to her husband, "Felix, when I am dead, you will become a Catholic and a Dominican priest." To this he responded: "Elizabeth, you know my sentiments. I've sworn hatred of God, I shall live in the hatred and I shall die in it."

She repeated her words and passed away. She died in her husband's arms at the early age of 47. Rummaging through her papers, Felix found her will. She wrote: "In 1905, I asked almighty God to send me sufficient sufferings to purchase your soul. On the day that I die, the price will have been paid. Greater love than this no woman has than she who lay down her life for her husband." Dr. Leseur, the atheist, dismissed her will as the fancies of a pious woman.

He decided to write a book against Lourdes. When he went down to Lourdes however and he looked up into the face of the statue of Mary, he received the great gift of faith. He saw it all. At once.

In the year 1924, during Lent, Fulton J. Sheen (born Peter John Sheen), made a retreat in the Dominican monastery in Belgium under the spiritual guidance of Father Felix Leseur of the Order of Preachers, Catholic Dominican priest, who told him this story.

Saints are never made in isolation. 


Remember your place in God's plan.

It is true that you may never meet the person you helped become a saint, but you may be sure you will be blessed for it.

Elisabeth Leseur's cause for canonization is under consideration. Her current status in the process of canonization is that of a 'Servant of God'.

Blessed be the Peacemakers

Blessed be you who are vented upon by those you wish to reconcile to each other...

Blessed be you who fall out of favour in the stand for truth and peace...

Blessed be you who are cursed and curried as cowards and traitors for not partaking in an unjust cause...

Blessed be you when you choose silence over words, when words would uphold your right but destroy fragile peace...

Blessed be you when you walk in troubled times but let not the chaos seep into your souls...

Blessed be you when you choose unjust peace over a just war...

Blessed be you when isolation becomes your companion and great sacrifice is asked of you to still troubled waters...

For the Son of Man came to reconcile the warring children to their Father, and received a friend's betrayal, a lonely cross, an outlaw's death and a borrowed grave.

But there is still a promise...

Rejoice and be glad for you will be called Sons of God (Matt 5:9)

Name your Master(s)

God, sometimes places us in quaint places where were are forced to confront the dark areas of our soul. A la Johari's Window but it is in these dark places where our secret sin festers and bondage remains hidden. We find ourselves, committed Catholics, truly seeking the Kingdom of God, when we come face to face with the Master. Then the old drama of the Rich Young Man (Mark 10:17-31) plays out...

"Lord, what must I do to love you more each day"

The Master will point at the one treasure of your soul and ask you to give it up.

"You cannot serve two master!"

                                                    - Matt 6:24

It is impossible to be truly free without complete detachment and our attachments are undoubtedly to our treasures. Secret treasures like ambition, pet idiosyncrasies and even persons or possessions will eat you from within like a slow undetected cancer. You will be much anxious to be rid of it but your lust for it will be too strong...

Gollum's Bane."My... preciousssss"

This is when we need a Saviour. I think most of us would know that mammon has a great sway over our souls but do you know the masks that mammon wears.

Ambition. It may or may not have anything to do with the paycheck but the driving desire to rise, outperform, perfect can effectively cancel out the light of God's grace. God is our Provider and we are always in the position of the receiver. We have not done or ever will do anything without Him. 

Even the slightest degree of ambition is an indication of self-desire and aspiration apart from what God has ordained for us. When God made Adam, the garden was ready for him. Adam served God by tending to the plants and animals. He had not taken the garden as tithe unto himself and tried to bring forth his own by the sweat of his brow.Whether the garden flowered or wilted, it was the Almighty Father who provided for all his needs. Our focus at all times is to serve God through our work, our love, our service and yes, even through our devotion.

My work has been a great blessing in this space. I came to realise that I harboured great dreams of might and highness deep in the corners of my soul only when I was given a role which fired my inner Balrog. I was severely disturbed. The only way I could be free of fear of man and listen to my Christian conscience is to reject all ambitions for myself.

I call to God, the Most High,

to God, who supplies my every need.

                                            - Psalm 57:2 

Was it a struggle? Oh yes! For days I fought with myself, checked my every thought, appealed to all the saints and angels to intercede for me. Through difficulties and humiliations at my job, I gradually surrendered, bit by bit. Old demons, die hard.

So, do I still struggle with pride? Yes. The enemy, like a roaring lion is ever waiting for any unguarded moment. But for every fight that leaves me tired and disheartened, there is a peace that surpassed all understanding, there is a liberation that makes you skip like calves let out of a stall (Mal 4:2)

And when you are ready to give up; remember...

"When the storms to temptation burst upon you, when you see yourself driven upon the rocks of tribulation, look at the star, call upon Mary. When swallowed by pride or ambition, or hatred, or jealousy, look at the star, call upon Mary. Should anger, or avarice, or fleshly desire violently assail the frail vessel of your soul, look at the star, call upon Mary."                                       

                                                            - Saint Bernard of Clairvaux

I'll praise you in this storm

One of the most difficult aspects of our faith, is to keep trusting; when things go wrong and times get rough. 

I'm still learning...and falling. But I know his hand will raise me up again.


How else can I pray then, if not to cry to Abba Father, "help me, Lord!"

Though the fig tree does not bud 

and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen 

and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 

The Sovereign LORD is my strength; 

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to go on the heights.

                                  - Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Intercessors of the Lamb

I write, being recently inspired by our Pope's general audience address on Prayer. Our beloved Pope touches on many things in his address but I would like to focus on one part which is closest to my heart- the efficacy of Intercession. 


He starts with the Old Testament. Sodom and Gomorrah indulged in practices so disgusting to the Lord, that he was forced to raise his hand against it in perfect justice and pay those citizens the wages of sin, death. Total annihilation! The last time God did something like that was during the Great Flood. Even then, He repented and swore never to destroy earth because of man's sinfulness. Yet here He was again, speaking of destroying the citizens and the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. I can not imagine the filth of those nations to induce God to pour out his wrath in such a measure upon them!


But suddenly, God revealed another side of his nature- his infinite Mercy. God's perfect justice meets his perfect mercy when a sinner repents, changes heart and chooses righteousness. God will not punish the innocent with the wicked but his divine justice seeks a goodness to base his mercy on. He needed one, just one righteous man to implore mercy for behalf of the unrighteous.

It is never that a sinner is not allowed to plead his own case, but it is that he cannot. Sin blinds the sinner (Gen 19:11). He does not see his own guilt or does not consider his doings as evil, and therefore is unable to repent. Into this gap, Abraham, who knew most closely the heart of God, stepped in. This is the place where the unforgettable dialogue between man and God takes place.

Abraham asks, if righteous God would destroy the city if 50 innocent men were living in it. God relents on the plea of a righteous man. "I will spare... I will not destroy... I will not do it". He forgives the entire guilty population for 50 innocents! As Abraham continues to plead with God and the number dips, 45...40...30...and finally 10; the greater the mercy of God grows.


This is the power of intercession. Abraham, our father in the faith, set an example for intercessors of all time. To not only understand in a deeply intimate way the intention of God to save suffering mankind but also to lend our voices and hearts to His desire.


If the sinner cannot ask for mercy, then the good man must ask on his behalf.

"To pray for those who are in mortal sin is the best kind of alms giving. For the love of God always remembers such souls when you pray."

           St. Teresa of Avila

Christ the Redeemer

My upbringing as a child, mostly consisted of being obedient  and well-behaved. It was a good raising and I did have a contented childhood. Of course, being a staunchly Catholic family this gradually shadowed into my spirituality as well.


To avoid all occasions of sin and sin itself! 

Prevention is better than cure regret followed by thou shall sin no more was more or less the spiritual exercises I followed. Not to forget to love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your strength (which basically wound itself back to 'thou shall sin no more'...)

To be just, it was a fine personal principle to live by... except that love did not find much of a root in a heart set by rules. I clearly remember being inspired by Jane Austen where filial duty and honour ruled and sacrifice and personal candour were so celebrated.

But duty and honour without love are heavy burdens to carry. They do make great men; but cold hard men, not given to mercy and kindness. I have seen those sorts, and I pitied them. They do not know another way of showing love except by being just and righteous. 

Another pitfall of this line of thinking is that forgiveness becomes very hard. The difficulty to forgive oneself after each fall is immense. It became easier to forgive others for a searing heartbreak than to make leeway for one's weakness. 


Principle, not Christ became the centre of religion. And life became very difficult. It was not the extra prudishness that costed me a lot of joy. It was the extreme self-reliance, the passive distance from people, the gnawing guilt, the constant striving for perfection which is impossible for any. God became a distant deity. I no longer understood why we still needed Christ. If sin could be avoided then a saviour is never needed.

How wrong I was. Years and years of struggling and striving went by till I finally found a Christian fellowship of young adults where I felt spiritually nourished. I finally decided to give God a chance to lead me and he gradually unraveled the bandages, the armour and the defense I had built around my heart. It was painful! Old wounds which had long festered in the dark needed Light. And the letting go! How difficult it was to let go and let God.

It was then I understood. 

Christianity with out the Redeemer 

is beautiful frame without the picture

re·deem·er   /riˈdēmər/
Noun: A person who redeems or buys back someone or something

... or He who restores

He knew how we threw away our birthright with the fall. He knew we were ever hard of hearing the Father's calling. He knew we would still be falling, even after Pentecost.

That is why he came- to restore. To bring back the image of  God in Men, in glory, undimmed before the marring of the world.

To restore Son-ship (Gal 3: 26)

To restore brotherhood (Acts 28:28, Rom 8:29) 

To restore faith  

Before He came, the wages of Sin was death. And death was ever so close, yes, even while I was still a child I knew death. But he pulled me out of that abyss. It does not mean that I will be able to sin no more or that I shall see immortality in this life or even that I am free of the consequences of sin. It simply means that my righteousness is not by my effort alone, it is in Christ. I just need to lean on him, to appeal for his help, to listen to his counsel...and obey.


And when I fall, I am no loner afraid or burdened. I go back to him for forgiveness and restoration. Sin always takes something away and replaced it with itself. He corrects that equation. 


And at the end of all things, there is always Hope.

"Do not be afraid, I have redeemed you"
               - Isaiah 43:1 

Breaking through the Clouds...

There is this beautiful scene from the Lord of the Rings (Return of the King) which never fails to inspire me. It is the part where poor Frodo and Sam along with their nefarious guide, Gollum are passing through 'occupied territory' in Mordor. There were fallen statues of the Kings of old. Most were cloven and defaced. As they walked through that desolation (for Mordor was ever covered by a robe of darkness), there was a stone head of a Gondorian King by the way. Suddenly, just as Sam turned, the sun pierced through the night and the white lilies that grew around the Kings' head caught it, ablaze; and the Crownless was once again crowned King!

"Mr. Frodo, look!"

"The king has got a crown again!"- Sam

The week that was, was a witness to that event. Two bouts of darkness nearly engulfed me. Two situations and an absolute feeling of entrapment. 

It was at work and we all know how suddenly restructuring events can catch your breath and stay your heartbeat. I found myself in place where I had nothing really to contribute to the firm anymore. It was a mismatch in skills and aspirations with the tasks at hand. Another position which would have suited me fine had already gestated into two months without culminating. 

The situation- to stay and commit to the impassable or to stay and commit to the impassable. There was no choice! My distress was in the extreme. "Lord", I cried, "Where are you in my desolation?" 

This is where the real choice arose. Whether to continue into the mire of self-pity and hopelessness or to look back into the past, at the marvelous deeds the Lord had done, to renew my strength in his faithfulness, to surrender and trust again in him alone.

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me"

Psalms 131:2

It took recollection and surrender. It took a prayer of Faith. All I remember, as I stumbled through a daze during those days was a moment in time when I stopped and looked at the dark crowds and said, "Lord, I know you are still in control and I trust in you." That's it.

The sun broke through...